I just learned that Trolololo guy died less then two weeks ago (4th June?)

She sleeps.

Then why do my hands do things that I dont want to do?
Then why does my mouth speak words that I dont want to say?
Then why do my eyes see things that I dont want to see?

Today I am like an empty shell.
All I am is bone and tissue, moving at articulations.
Commuting from one place to another without any unnecessary effort.
Wihtout any grace or expression.
My heart is heavy and immobile.
Hope is just a theory.
I weep my youth. How foolish I was to always reach for the unreachable, and ignore the wonders that were within my reach.
I was offered a banquet of fresh fruit, but I let them all rot on the table, without even tasting them.

I am regretting this because i missed an opportunity, and not for the first time. Because I was afraid. I have always been after young girls, and without success so far. But once in a while (actually not more then 2-3 times in my life) did one of these girls i had an interest into, seem to be interested back. More then once, I found myself paralysed with fear, not believing this was actually happening. It was happening, what I'd wished for for so long, but I didnt want it to happen anymore, as if i was not ready to handle it. So I pretend everything is ok, I pretend she's not looking my way. I am afraid to change, it's like waiting for a train for days or weeks (sitting on a train station bench), and then being too afraid to step on the train when it finally is here. The worse part is that I dont know if that train will ever come again, and if it will... will I dare to ride it anyway?

This dark thing is incredibleThat dark thing that comes and grabs you from behind.The dark fist holds your head, pushes your eyes back in the skull. Your life sucks.You cannot relax, you have work to do. You must keep trying. You cannot ignore the dark thing because it's all around you.It wont go away. You are officially damned. Again.
You notice your phone. She's not gonna call, isnt she? The music is playing. I am somewhere peaceful.It's over. Again. Tomorrow, the work, the office, the idiot coworker, the other gay coworker, the girl with the bad breath, the assignement that never finishes, the boss that is never done worrying. The hours staring at the screen and daydreaming.I couldnt care less about this fake life.
Then again, the beer, kissing strangers, meeting nightime friends, taps on the shoulders, big grins,living the dream, keeping the illusion alive, trying to enjoy every minute while it lasts, because tomorrowall this will be gone, whether you enjoyed it or not.
The projects, the castles build in the sky hang heavy over my head and press on my heart.So much ideas, so easy to dream.
The indecision. Where do I go? What is good? What is wrong? I'm afraid. I'm so afraid.
All I ever needed was in my reach yesterday night, and I let it slip away.

Some facts, taken from another blog so I have no idea how true they are:

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would
have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. (Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps
out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death!

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people.

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

A cat's urine glows under a black light.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Starfish have no brains.

Polar bears are left-handed.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(who wants to be reincarnated as a pig?)